Ya know how you feel so absolutely sick and disgusting when you have the flu and then when you’re healthy again, it’s hard to really remember how you felt?  You sort of forget how bad it was because it’s so, so tough to imagine ever feeling that way when you’re feeling good.  I guess it’s a testament to the amazing ability our bodies have to bounce back.  Have you ever thought to yourself while you’re sick, or injured, or going through a rough time, that you wished you could somehow bottle up that horrible feeling and take a shot of it, just a tiny one, when you’re feeling “normal” again as a bit of a dose of reality?  Maybe during a time when you’re bitching and moaning about something sort of silly or feeling sorry for yourself when you could easily change your state of mind?  You could take this shot that could say for a second “Hey, recall feeling like THIS?? YEAH?? Okay, then.  Enjoy the fact that you’re NOT feeling that now and stop taking this moment for granted.”  I often wish I could do that.

I won’t go into detail but I’m currently dealing with some medical crappola.  I have been diagnosed with two herniated discs in my lower back, am on some pain-killers and will be starting physical therapy shortly.  I am in a shit ton of pain and it IS SOOOO FRUSTRATING! As is my nature, I’m trying to find the meaning in all this, trying to see the bigger picture. Someone or something out there, up there, down there, around here…somewhere…is sending a message to me, and I’m hearing it loud and clear.

Obviously, it’s not possible to bottle up this crap feeling and then chug a glass of it at a later date to bring me back to earth.  So instead, I’m going to write myself a letter; a letter I can refer to in the future when I’m being lazy, complaining, not taking advantage of all that’s offered to me, wallowing in some sort of self pity, or actually CHOOSING to do just what I am doing now; laying here, doing nothing, feeling sorry for myself.  I don’t have the option of anything else at the moment, and it’s causing me to really question why in the hell I would ever choose to place myself in this situation?

I’m hoping that this letter of “tough love,” a bit of a self imposed ass-kicking, will help me down the road when I’m feeling more mentally down in the dumps than physically, feeling “bad” but due to something I can turn around and “fix” through my own will.  I feel that this concept kind of goes hand in hand with my last blog entry, in that it searches for something positive within a situation that is, on the surface, wholly negative.  I won’t post the actual letter here because there’s really no reason to; it would just come off as some sort of pity party for myself and/or a quest for pity from my readers and strangers out there in internet land, something I’m not at all looking for.  In sharing this idea though, I’m hopeful that someone who reads this, or maybe more than one someone coming across my blog, can use this tactic themselves to turn a frustrating, painful experience into a positive tool for building a better future.  And even if the letter never gets read again, sometimes it just feels good to put a pen to paper (or fingers to a keyboard, as the case may be) and give yourself a good, stern, talking to…it’s a healthy way to get all of your anger and sadness out and free up some space for worthwhile thoughts and actions that will enable you to move in a forward direction.