I’m not sure why it’s happening now, but lately I have been FREAKING THE FREAK OUT about this move.  I’ve been looking at hotels to stay in when I arrive, Googling travel health insurance, researching the best plan of attack as far as bank accounts go, checking out temp. agencies, and through it all I’ve had a permanent feeling of nausea.  I know once I get to Melbourne and get settled, I’ll be perfectly fine. I’ve lived almost exactly at the center of one of the biggest cities in the United States for the past 9 years, so I’m almost positive I can take on Melbourne, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to be nervous as all hell before I get there. It’s the unknown that is making me feel sick to my stomach but it’s also that unknown that makes this whole thing so exciting and worth it.

I arrived home from work the other day and was thinking about how upset I’ll be when moving out of my apartment…this tiny room has been my home for the past almost 8 years – about a year short of a third of my life!  I know I will cry when I leave here but not because I feel I shouldn’t be leaving, it is absolutely time for me to move on, but because of what this apartment – this city – have meant to me.  I have many days where I feel I should be “better” or “further along” in life by now, but then I remind myself how much I’ve done and changed while living in Boston. I remember the person I was in high school and just before moving here; painfully shy and with barely an ounce of self esteem. Sure, I’m not the most outgoing, confident person even now, but that’s due, in part, to the fact that I’m no longer expecting or even wanting to become some loud-mouthed, super self-assured human being.  At this point in my life, I don’t equate only that kind of person with success.  I’m just me. I’m not shy now, but I wouldn’t hesitate to classify myself as reserved. I don’t allow anyone and everyone to know the real me, but whereas before I’d feel that was a problem, I now embrace that aspect of my personality.  I like that I only let certain people into my world, not that there’s anything wrong with people who like to share themselves with all! 🙂  Like I said, I’m just me. I’m capable of carrying on a conversation with almost anyone, I walk down the street with my head held high and I do truly believe I can do anything I choose to put my all into…and while those things may not seem like much to some, they’re HUGE to me coming from the person I was in my teenage years.

This nervous, anxious, scared out of my mind feeling I’ve been having lately is uncomfortable and not really all that enjoyable…but I am so glad it’s happening because it’s only served to reassure me that this decision to move to Australia is the right one.  After all I’ve gained from living in Boston, I can’t wait to see how living in a new country for a year will transform me.

Advertisements